sharing stories...

When I arrived at Vikasa, I said hello to the people I knew and introduced myself to the people I didn’t know. Carolina and Jeb, a married couple, were the hosts of this getaway trip. I originally met them through my brother Alex, who did Cross-fit with them a while ago. They were the first people I came into contact with when I arrived at the resort and they greeted me with a very warm welcome.

Our group was given the same itinerary for the upcoming week’s activities. Each day would consist of yoga, fitness and more yoga, along with breakfast, lunch and dinner. The classes were not mandatory, only suggested. In other words, if you didn’t want to do a morning yoga session one day and wanted to go to the beach with friends instead, then that is what you’d do. The retreat lasted for seven days. Two out of those seven days, we would all go to a temple tour and go island hopping together.

I really had to push myself the first day, as I haven’t experienced jet lag quite like this before. The morning after I arrived, I awoke and my eyes were heavy. My roommate Christine and I walked down to the yoga sala together for our very first session. For the most part, Carolina would be our yoga instructor and Jeb would pitch in every once in a while. It was pure adrenaline that got me through the first day.

I don’t consider myself to be an expert at yoga. I find it to be very challenging, both mentally and physically. I do it strictly for the peace of mind and to strengthen my core. In the many yoga sessions that I have participated in when in Los Angeles, I have noticed that I have the tendency to glance over at my neighbors to compare what they’re doing to my own practice. Although I recognize that this isn’t a healthy habit, I still catch myself doing it every so often. 

Before Carolina started the first session, she told us, in a very serious tone, to focus on our breath. She emphasized to us how important breath is in yoga. For example, when our arms became too tired to hold our body weight up any longer, coming back to our breath would distract us from our initial urge to fall. “Return to breath! Return to breath! Return to breath!” My muscles were tight the first day, probably due to sitting on an airplane for 24 hours. I felt as if I hadn’t stretched in years. I was somewhat anxious because I knew that I hadn’t been practicing yoga on a daily basis prior to this trip. I wondered if my body would be able to handle deep stretching like this for an entire week. I wondered if my mind would be able to shut down for the week. 🔴I had to keep reminding myself that this was not a competition, even if my mind wanted to believe otherwise. 🔴Each time I became distracted by how I thought others were doing “better” than I was, I would look down at my mat and tell myself “Return to your breath.” This helped me a lot. Throughout the week, I was satisfied with my efforts.

 

On the last day, everyone from the retreated had the option to join the “Vikasa School” for a yoga session. The Vikasa School was where the experts were. Only a few in my retreat decided to join the class. I had the urge to opt out because I was exhausted from the week, 🔴but I didn’t want to be seen as weak, so I joined the others from the retreat on that cloudy afternoon.

 

I walked into the outdoor studio to retrieve a mat and two blocks for support. I noticed that the other girls weren’t getting blocks – shame entered the room. Rather than setting up my station quickly, I begrudgingly looked to see what others were doing and how they were warming up and setting up their stations. Nobody was grabbling blocks. In this moment, I felt like a complete outsider and the session hadn’t even started yet. 

I noticed a pretty red head lady next to me that looked like she was from Europe. She was very flexible and so, I decided not to watch what she was doing because the shame was too intense. The instructor was more direct and focused than what I had been use to. The session started.

 

During the first 5 minutes, I could immediately tell that I was going to struggle during this last class.  Perhaps it was because I wasn’t in the best mindset or it could have been that I was mentally and physically drained. After about 5 poses, I decided to lie down for a couple of minutes. I felt like I needed to rest. A few minutes unfortunately turned into the entire class. During the time I was resting, I could feel people watching me and I was the only one in the entire class who had to lie down. I felt like I wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed and was wondering if anyone would tell Carolina and Jeb, who were not there at the time. I was afraid of ridicule and people thinking that I was weak and couldn’t finish a damn yoga session. Once the class ended, I ran out of there faster than lightening. To be honest, I don’t think I even put my mat or blocks away. I ate lunch alone that day.

 

During lunch, I sat there and thought a lot. I didn’t want to be around anyone at the time. Luckily, wisdom came into play and I realized that I did a great job throughout the week with the regular yoga sessions and that it was truly only that last session that I struggled with.

 

This thought alone helped me a lot. The fascinating thing about yoga is that it is based more on mindfulness than a typical workout. Yes, it has its workout perks, like strengthening the core and increasing mobility, but more often than not, it is about returning to your breath. Some have told me that yoga “isn’t for them.” I disagree. I believe that yoga can be for everyone. It doesn’t matter how flexible you are. It doesn’t even matter if you’re fit or not. The practice itself is a testament to your own personal growth. For me, I see it as a mindfulness practice with gentle exercise involved. A lot of people insist that they have to look the part; like the people in the magazines. In truth, you don’t. I left Vikasa realizing this and now I feel more beautiful inside. I felt less of a need to push myself in order to “look” a certain way to others. This wisdom will stay with me forever.

- Woman, 22

“I don't have balance. I would just fall over.”

I say:  "there is no judgement"

"It is not about me, I'm worried about disturbing others."

- Woman, 26